i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
