he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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