I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
