I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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