take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
