don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
