I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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