you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
