I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
