Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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