I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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