Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
