after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
