All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
