so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
