Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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