She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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