I should be sponsored by Trojan
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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