she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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