WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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