If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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