The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
this is an emotional support booty call
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
