MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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