Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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