I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
