I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
