Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
