so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
