its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
