You're so nebulous sometimes
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
