Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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