i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
