Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
