Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
