Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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