if you like me you must not know who I am
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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