**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
