I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
