next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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