someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
