what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
