If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
