I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
