Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
