It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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