i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
