I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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