Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
two words...techno handjob
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
