Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
