I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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