I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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