Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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