Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
