just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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