he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
